You realize that you are in a mess. Your relationship has gone to pot and you think you know the reason. Poor communication. You and your partner haven’t been talking and sharing with each other like you used to. No matter what you think the problem may be, it usually boils down to the main issue that one or both of you refuse to discuss whatever is causing the problem.
This lack of communication is what causes the majority of the problems in the early stages of the relationship, and left alone, can grow much worse as the relationship progresses.
So, you realize you have a problem. You decide that you need to start communicating with each other. How are you going to do that?
When a couple decides to go to counseling or therapy together, the are basically asking for a referee so they can have a decent conversation. Why would two people who love each other need a referee? Well often, if a couple is talking about something that is highly emotional to them, voices can get raised and the conversation heated. A referee (counselor or therapist) can prevent things from getting to far out of control.
It may seem like the therapist is not offering much in the way of advice, but they are keeping communication moving, and not letting things get out of hand.
There is a time and place for a counselor to make suggestions and offer advice. These can be helpful to both persons in the partnership, and can speed up the healing process. But the main job of the counselor is to see that both parties are talking to one another. This alone can save a marriage.
The problems that a couple are having may range from petty annoyances to moral issues. The most important thing is to talk about it openly and honestly, even if it is uncomfortable.
If you refuse to communicate with your partner, eventually your problems will seem bigger than what you can deal with and you will feel compelled to terminate the relationship. Keep talking and you can work things out.
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